Life has taken an unexpected turn!

Well.

My life has taken a completely different direction than I thought it would. This year I was planning on things being a little different than what they actually are right now, and I couldn't be happier that I've been so blind-sided but the new direction.

This summer I got engaged and this autumn I got married!

This winter, I also discovered that I'm pregnant! YAY!

I think with the changes my life has taken, that this blog is going to change in the same way as well, I want to make it more of a lifestyle blog, where I talk about being a young, married Muslim woman, and mum-to-be.

So far being married has been fun, different, and a little insane. I honestly didn't think that I'd be married at this time of my life, but I couldn't be happier, I've wanted this for a long time.

Being pregnant is exactly what I expected, and not at all what I expected.

Currently, I am 14 weeks, which is 4 months, and the things that have been absolutely killing me so far have been the nausea and the tiredness.

I didn't expect the nausea to be so bad, but its also not as bad as I've heard it can be, so far, I've only been sick twice, but the nausea every single morning and sometimes all the way into the evening, has been the worst thing so far.

The exhausting makes it hard to get things done around the house, especially as we've recently moved into my mum's house and its got a lot of work that needs to be done. I'm the only one who is at home most days so most of the work and running of the house is up to me, but I'm struggling to fit what I can do into the day, and I feel like work is starting to build up.

Also, gas! No one told me how gassy you can get while pregnant, and I've never been so gassy in my life, let me tell you. As gross as it is to talk about really, it is a reality that has been plaguing my life lately.

Mostly though, I'm really excited about the up coming months, and what having a baby is going to mean for Hubby and I.

We have a bet going for what Baby is going to be, Hubby wants a boy of course, and I want a little girl!

This is going to be my parents first grandchild, and everyone is very excited about that. Some people more so than others, for example my sister, who at times seems more excited than me!

April 26, 2015

Hello,

This is the first entry I have done like this, and originally this is what I wanted my blog to be for; a place for me to rant about the things in my life that are bothering me, or what's been going on in my life lately. I seem to have fallen into the category of wanting to blog about too many things. I will fix that. Hopefully. Let me not make promises I can't actually keep.

It is April, and it was my birthday on the 20^th, it wasn't that different from any normal day. It was honestly kinda shit, but I still got a cake and some presents, and other people have less so I'm still grateful.

What really bothered me about it was that I always try extra hard to make other people's birthdays special; I make them cakes, try to give them good surprises, but it felt like no one really cared on my birthday, and like they didn't even bother.

Other shit I have going on is the realisation that at 21, I am not doing what I wanted to be doing at this age. I feel like I have a lot of potential and instead of fulfilling it, I'm just sat around waiting for a miracle.

I still haven't done my A-Levels, and as someone who values intellect and education, especially as a woman, I feel ashamed that I've effectively put myself in this position.

I want to do a lot, but I'm limiting myself and trying to please other people.

The main problem is that I don't want to disappoint my mother. I know that going to Uni will mean moving to another country and living alone, and my mother; like any other parent, worries.

I don't know if its because she doesn't think I can handle living and working alone, or if its that she doesn't trust me, or thinks I'm too naive or nice, and will be taken advantage of, but it really bothers me, and usually, I'm really open with my mother, but this topic, I don't know how to open.

I have exams in May for my A-Levels. Sadly, I'll only be doing one exam in AS psychology, which is my passion, and something I want to study in university.

I'm really worried that I won't do well, just like any other person. The main reason I'm worried is that my mother will think that I'm not serious enough and won't let me move to England.

We have a deal, that I can move to London, but I don't think that she will follow through, especially not when my older brother is struggling there.

The deal was that when I get my two year residency here in Algeria, I can move back to London, we'll see what happens there.

Something else on my mind, is that my best friend and I want to start a business, and I can't do that halfway across the world and with virtually no budget, and the only thing we can do is try to make it work.

The business that we want to start basically started, like anything else, with an idea. I love bath bombs and cosmetic things for the bath and shower, but what I love more is home-made things. I don't really like putting too many chemically manufactured things on my skin, and I prefer natural things that are organic and straight from the source. Also, things that smell like heaven!

My best friend, Anna, knows this, and she made me some home-made bath bombs for when I go back to London as a present.

And I loved the idea.

So I decided, that we should see about selling them, because I felt there was potential is this market and I want to create something with her that we can both be proud of. But then, we hit a road block. We need to have all our products tested and certified by a cosmetic chemist, who will say whether or not our products are safe for public use.

This costs money. Money we could put into our products. Money we don't have.

It's not too big of an issue, but then we come back to the fact that I'm in another country and I can't do anything until I'm back in London, which has effectively put us on holt.

But we wont give up, and we will do this, eventually, because we want to.

Other than those major things, there are a couple other things, but I won't get into them until I have reached some kind of decision on how to deal with them, and who to share them with.

Amsterdam, take three - Booked!

Aaaahhh!

I am so excited! 

Anna and I have finally booked our trip to Amsterdam, and we are so proud of how much we saved on it!

It's booked for early June for five nights, because it was so affordable for us, and so much cheaper than we expected. 

We decided to rent a room outside the centre a little bit, and we'll be staying at a BnB with a lovely couple, who have promised to show us around and help us out when we get there.

The room was super cheap and had everything we could possibly need, the couple seem really friendly and sweet and we are hoping they don't turn out to be psycho murderers - just kidding! 

(No, seriously.)

The place is called Uithoorn , which is 30 mins outside the centre by car and 40 to 50 mins by bus or train. It's next to a river and there are plenty of cute little roads to go biking, which we plan to do after I teach Anna how to ride a bike!

The couple we are staying with offered to help us with travel by lending us their train/tram and bus cards, which are like Oyster cards in the UK, so travelling around will be easy, hopefully.

Other than that our plans are the same, plenty of museum, lots of vintage shopping and sight seeing!

Until June for more my lovelies!

Amsterdam, take two

Project Amsterdam is still a go!

We decided on a compromise and to go for a weekend, or three days, instead of the original five days we wanted.
I'm hoping that we can afford that better than five days cause that can be expensive when you have no actual steady income.
Other than a basic plan of what might happen, our plans are still not quite solid, and I'm the kind of person who likes to make lists and plans, down to the smallest of details.
The only travel plans that are definitely happening are my plans to go to London in May for my exams and to see family and friends.

The to-do list for Amsterdam:

. The Anne Frank House
. The Rijksmuseum
. The Van Gogh Museum
. Rent a Bike and ride around Amsterdam
. Visit Vondelpark
. Visit the flower market (Bloemen markt)
. Visit The Hortus Botanicus
. Try some street foods (Raw Herring, yum?)
. Vintage Clothes Shopping

 Our trip is going to be mostly museums and artsy, and we've decided on early June so I don't have any clashes with my exams.
We might end up going somewhere in England too, a bit closer to home. Maybe visit some places we want to live when we move in together.

Until next time!

Statements

I once read a little statement that resonated in my head for a very long time, I'm not sure if you can call it a poem but I feel like it was. For the life of me, I can't even remember where I read it.

Stop trying to find yourself,
And start creating yourself.

To me, that sounded like the ultimate conundrum.

How do you create yourself? isn't life supposed to be about finding who you are?
I like that it means that instead of just waiting to find out who you are in your life, you make who you are, you can be whoever you please in your own storyline, not just sit around waiting for it to happen.

You can create yourself into the kind of person you want to be.

Amsterdam

The other day Anna and I spent three/four hours making plans to go to Amsterdam this spring/summer. the only problem is that I still haven't moved back to the UK so I'm not working and bringing in my own money, I'm planning on getting a job when I go back to London this summer, but other than that I have to rely on my mum and my aunt. my mum gave her blessings for us to go but she said that she wouldn't be funding me, which means no real guarantee that I will have money to go on this trip.
That put an end to the planning.
Now, this doesn't mean that we still don't have plans to go because we kind of do, but at the same time we aren't getting out hopes up that we will.
We're just going to wait and see what happens when I get there in May.
I'm hoping that I can save up enough somehow so we can go on a 5 day/4 night trip and still have money to enjoy the great things that can be found in Amsterdam.
Mainly, I really want to go to the Rijksmuseum and vintage clothes shopping; I've read that its a marvellous place for vintage clothes.

This my friends, is classic me.

I still have a road map somewhere for my "Road Trip Through Italy" so.

I haven't a clue how I'm going to find the money for this trip but I feel like me and Anna really do need a real vacation somewhere we both can have a great time, and Amsterdam, despite what its perceived as by the "youth", is a great place for more than just getting high or drunk or whatever.

Words

I think words have power.

Poetry is a form that words take, and in that same way, poems have power.
Perhaps not power so great that we can always see it or feel it, but a word can cause a ripple in someone's life so profound that it shapes them.

A poem that might seem meaningless to most people can make a certain few shiver, and a poem that does that to me is this little piece by a poet who existed a long time ago.

Taliesin Ben Beirdd

I have been a multitude of shapes before I assumed a consistent form.
I have been a sword, narrow, variegated,
I have been a tear in the air,
I have been a word among letters,
I have been a book in the origin.